Last Friday, Beau's osteoarthritis flared up after what was probably an averse reaction to his rabies shot. Although he has no other major health concerns, at 16 years old his body just didn't take the medication well. By 10am he had lost all ability to stand by himself, and my mom made a makeshift doggie area out of rugs, blankets and towels in the living room. She spent the night on the couch next to him, trying to reassure him that everything would be okay. By the next morning they weren't, however, and mom had some neighbors help take him to the vet. After ruling out a heart condition or a neurological problem, the doctor put him on a low-dose steroid and said to keep an eye on him. For five days Mom's neighbors and friends came over several times a day to carry him outside, and mom spent hours washing and changing the towels when he couldn't wait to relieve himself.
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| Beau, taking a nap earlier this week |
On Thursday mom took him to a doggie chiropractor, who said the discs in his back were severely fused and his left hip was especially weak. He told her point blank what nobody else was ready to say- that if Beau didn't start walking soon, his insides would start smooshing together and he would most likely suffer from organ damage. I think this really hit home for Mom, who hadn't slept all week. For the past eight years Beau has been her devoted accomplice, friend, and family member. He is the best companion she could have found, and his easy, cheery disposition keeps her spirits raised. They are perfect for each other, and although we both knew this time was going to come, I guess we hoped it would happen later rather than sooner. I've often said that if Beau could just live forever, for Mom's sake, that would be really great. If she were fully able-bodied, things might be different, but she doesn't have the ability right now to pick him up or thoroughly give him the care he needs.
The decision to let him go would be easier if he showed signs of suffering, but the thing is he still looks like a gosh-darn happy puppy and his spirit is just as strong as ever. When it comes to matters of life and death, I'm a pretty big believer in the Quality of Life question, and since I only see him twice a week I can't say exactly how much Beau's is affected right now. I do, however, regularly see residents at Dad's nursing home who are completely unaware of their surroundings and are unable to do anything for themselves. They either exist on Ensure or are spoon-fed pureed fish cakes and honey-thick soup base. They have fits of rage, terrors and hallucinations, don't recognize their family, and as far as I can tell aren't responsive to compassion, touch or any other outside stimuli. Their overall Quality of Life is heartbreaking, yet they can go on in this state for months and years without anyone suggesting "putting them down". For the record, neither am I. However, as I'm intimately involved with these two beings who are nearing the end, I can't help thinking of how dialectical our values are.
Beau is Mom's dog. While I love him dearly, I have never lived with him and don't have the same connection that she does. I've witnessed a change in her over the past week, and she now seems to slowly be coming to some acceptance that it's nearing the time to let him go. It has to be her decision, and I trust that she will know how and when to make it.
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