Perspective

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend who has always struck me as dedicated, compassionate and enduring.  One of his family members had a recent health scare and I was catching up on the latest. The last time we had spoken, he seemed visibly upset and was grappling with how to stop his mind from imagining the worst.  A week had gone by, and his initial shock was wearing off.  He had a great amount of support from friends and family and his work was being generous with offering time off if needed.  I was struck with how much better off he seemed in just a week's time.  When I commented on his cheerier outlook, his answer surprised me.  "I'm still worried, but I can't stop living," he said.  "I need to take care of myself, go to the gym, continue to date, hang out with friends, do whatever I can to make myself feel better." 

What dumbfounded me was that it sounded like something I would have said to him, or something a friend would say to me.  In fact, people do say that to me, but I guess I usually let it go in one ear and out the other.  To hear someone say it about themself was incredibly powerful and validating, and I was in awe of his awareness.  The ability to prioritize by tending to his personal needs and putting himself first is a skill I seem to lack...or at least chose to ignore.   Why do I hold different standards for myself than I do for my friends?  Why do I spend a free afternoon buying new slippers for Dad or baking cookies for Mom's tea party when instead I could use one of those free massage coupons I have or get a head start on a work project?  Why would I be concerned if a friend was withdrawing, but to me it can serve as an ineffective way of "protecting" myself?  Why is okay for other people to buy new clothes, but I haven't in over a year?  Why is it natural to tell a neighbor he seems overworked and stressed and should take some time for himself, but I can't tell myself?  On airplanes we are told to put on our own oxygen masks first, then help our children, because we can't fully aid others if our own health is compromised.  It's a basic concept, and yet I don't seem to be able to apply it to myself. 
There's an old saying that "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."  I remember the first time my sister and I heard it, we thought we were really cool and grown up and would use it all the time- if her towels were on the floor and she chided me for not cleaning up the bathroom, it sounded way more clever to respond with a sage expression than to yell at her.  The disconnect between what people consider acceptable for themselves and for others is widespread.  Sometimes it takes looking at things from an outsider's perspective to fully recognize it in ourselves.